friends past, present and future Sunday, 30 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in people, ponder.3 comments
Internship ended the Friday that just past. 3 weeks! Over. The internship provided the structure around which meals were had with family and friends. I’m a big fan of talking about everything over good food.
So who have I met with since my return? I met a friend I hadn’t seen in 2 years, even though we have always been in touch. Then there was the annual meet-up with someone who’s away most of the time, whom I only catch up with when she’s back. A few good friends whom I always see when life in general gets crazy and there’s a need to share and wind down with. Dinner with the ex whom I hadn’t seen in a year since the break-up. (That went okay.) Tea with my first-year hostel floormate whom I used to have conversations with late into the night. Meals with a relatively new friend who has come to figure rather significantly in my life. And two lovely 21st birthday parties and my brother’s 18th birthday sandwiched in between. Acquaintances here and there who, amongst other topics, gave why-did-you-cut-your-hair exclamations before assuring me that the look’s good. Amidst everything that happened were meals that did not happen. These non-events have made me wonder how things are changing.
Do you not wonder too about how you’ve changed and how your friends have changed and how life in general has changed and the combination of these changes have resulted in a change in your friendships? (The word change appeared 5 times ha.) Particularly groups that used to be. Most of them don’t work anymore because they can’t. And I wonder whether I should cling on to them and initiate gatherings that assume the groups to exist, you know? Should we hang on to friendships because of what they used to be or not hang on to them because of what they aren’t anymore? Or should we not think about it at all and very simply let things be? What if I am thinking too much (as I always am) and people are just generally too busy to have time for their/certain friends? When these groups gather, I suspect that there will be a buzz of excitement at seeing each other again together after a substantial length of time apart, and that’s nice. So I really should be content with that and think no further. Yes I think I’ll do that.
I’m glad things are changing, I really am. There is no disappointment that comes with these revelations. Just a hmm-imagine-that. We should not and really cannot force stagnancy. I like that we are all evolving. If this evolution of the individual includes evolving away from some friends, I accept the latter with neither resentment nor guilt.
sc***l Tuesday, 25 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in places, ponder, prance.8 comments
I don’t like being at this sc***l I’m interning at now. Come feedback session (in the grand bureaucracy that is the M of E, feedback’s all the rage), I’m going to be as honest as I possibly can without being rude (I will try). Apparently, there has been substantial feedback (that dirty word again) from anonymous sources (!) that have reached us. Seriously. And let me say that I am pretty sure the (unfounded) feedback is coming from sources who have NOT HAD DIRECT INTERACTION with us, because we all have good working relationships with our respective mentors. I cannot believe the pettiness. I like the young ones on the whole. The same cannot be said of a good number of other people in the sc***l.
GAH! I now understand how eeky t*****rs stay in the system, how things do not get done. All in all, what the concept of diseconomies of scale really means. I hear how people don’t say anything so that they don’t have to do extra stuff that will end up lost along the way, I hear how there’s a general reluctance to change, I hear how people become jaded so quickly. Rather depressing shit.
I do still want do what I signed myself up for. Very much. I’m just not impressed with the inefficiency of the system, and the accompanying pettiness of the facilitators. I feel like I’ve seen the ugly side and it really is awful. I’m hopeful it will be different when I start proper, and I hope I will have fun idealistic colleagues to work with.
Aside from the overall unpleasant work experience that I’m still going through (but will end soon, finally), I’m preparing for my piano exam (yet again) which will take place on August 28. My accomodation for the coming year is secured. More on that later. I will be leaving for Paris night of August 31.
work and play Wednesday, 19 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in people, places, ponder.5 comments
I’ve settled into a routine, sort of. I wake up at six to go to school, where I boondoggle (I love this word!) quite a bit. Today was somewhat different -I actually worked worked.
The day started off like any other, which means that I stood still at the assembly ground waiting for the discipline master to wait for the entire student body to stop fidgeting, stop talking, stop everything. While at it, everyone sweats and feels gross. And the students sing bersaya, not berjaya and I want to correct them all. And the flag is raised too fast. And Singapore (forgive me for saying this again) is too humid for its own good. So yes the day started off uncomfortably, like any other.
Three of us then read an email in which a teacher told us off for “leading” the students in a survey that we had composed and sent for approval. Under a question that asked what National Education was, we had included as an option, horror of horrors, the word propaganda. We were strongly encouraged to change it to an open question. I was not happy about this, but being the good future civil servant, I grudgingly agreed with the other two that we would change it to an open question. Didn’t seem like that big a compromise anyway. At the same time, we agreed that we would preamble the survey in class verbally with a request for brutal honesty.
The highlight of the day was a history class I conducted on sources, inferencing, perspectives, compare and contrast. I included optical illusions and a photo hunt game which made the lesson more fun for them and me, even as they helped me make my points well. The political cartoons we discussed were interesting too, as they always are. The students were responsive and we had a great time together. The teacher who let me take her class liked it as well and asked me for my slides after the lesson. I was on such a high. It was the first time in this attachment that I felt very strongly the attraction of being a teacher. Before, I was becoming increasingly disillusioned by a lot of the teachers, a good number of whom had quickly become jaded or more commonly, not as passionate as I’d like teachers to be. I couldn’t sustain my attention in some of the classes I was observing and marvelled at how the students could. The conversations I was having with various teachers were also worrying. There seemed to be a lot of frustrations that were not being addressed well. Sure they were voiced out and there would be a round of sympathetic nods, but then zip. Seems so anyway. To be fair, there are real constraints and I don’t believe the teachers are faffing about. We’ll see how things are when I am a full-time teacher. You can bet I’ll work at changing for the better what I am pissed off with.
On the bright side of things, I’m loving the interaction with the students. They are so nice to be with! From having fun with the drama students miming to having one-on-one O level oral practices to helping a few students with their personal statements for direct admission to a nearby junior college… I’m really liking it. I believe most students want to like their teachers, but some teachers make it difficult.
Last night, I took time off to have dinner with Amandae and Bren. Great company, great food (bravo, Bren!). We got to talking about what we want (and don’t want) in our significant others. It’s been quite a hot topic at work this past week as well. I have a list(: It’s not a checklist so much as a guide. Have a go at it!
hairball
Sunday, 16 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in prance.
8 comments
My hair was halfway down my back and now it’s not. I had my hair cut! Willie was on leave yesterday but I couldn’t wait any longer (been thinking about cutting it for the longest time), so Darren cut it. The massage that Thomas gave me prior to that was the best I’ve had at NEXT, and that’s saying something. Anyway! Back to my hair. It’s now short. Really short. I-can’t-tie-it-up-at-all short. I look quite different, of course. Good different. I’m loving it. Feels right!
i’m back! Tuesday, 11 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in ponder, prance.4 comments
I’m BACK! The last couple of days in New Haven were spent wandering, talking, eating, drinking and packing. The weather was gorgeous the last night I was there. I headed out for drinks and pizza (and then drinks again) with a few of the friends I’d made over the course of the summer session. We had a blast. I also threw up from drinking too much, fell asleep with a throbbing headache, and woke up at 5 in the morning to have a packing party with my dear roommate to the Buena Vista Social Club. Good times.
Ended up writing my final paper on the plane. It was not a very pleasant experience. I don’t like being in the air for so long. I got to see both a sunset and a sunrise from my window seat though. They were breathtaking. There’s something magical about being above the clouds and looking at the vivid colours.
Right now, I’m attached to a secondary school that is a five-minute walk from my home for three weeks. Imagine me yesterday, less than a day from my return, reporting at 7am trying to look smart and be alert! GAH. Jetlag hello.
I keep having lovely flashbacks from the five weeks I was away. Almost too good to be true.
squirrels aren’t cute Thursday, 6 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in prance.7 comments
I was feeling under the weather last last night and slept for twelve hours, missing a late-night Krispy Kremes party. GAH. I didn’t hear anything even though it was only in the next room. I was knocked out. Before that, English friend and I went to Ivy Noodles to have uh noodles. Apparently, the owners are from Singapore. I didn’t ask though, since I was rushing for a useless meeting with the Singapore bunch. Well okay I got free hot chocolate, so it wasn’t completely useless. I’m being mean. It was an alright meeting(:(:
Yesterday was spent (frantically) revising for my American Presidency final exam. Weather was not conducive for intensive revision. It was bloody hot and humid and I was still not feeling very well, and nowhere air-conditioned was opened because it was Independence Day, and I didn’t feel like going to the air-conditioned dining hall, because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, and so I was shtuck in my room, but my roommate has a (powerful) fan and she was out in the lab for the afternoon, and I studied then quite peacefully till I left for East Melange with Hui, where I had a satisfiying hugeass bowl of seafood noodles soup. Bottomline: it was not a very productive work day.
The good thing about a summer session is that it is rather intense, and so knowledge is better retained than it would be during a regular semester, I believe. It helps too that we have good in-depth discussions in classes here. Makes it easier to remember what we’ve learnt. The exam this afternoon went well (I think) (and I like writing in parentheses), so that’s nice.
I had a traumatising episode with a squirrel today. It stared at me, I imagined it expanding and baring its teeth and pouncing on me. Highly unpleasant. I don’t see how squirrels are cute.
I don’t have any more classes to attend\: Once I hand in my final essay for my Revolution class, I’ll be bidding the Yale Summer Session a very fond farewell.
I bought red leather flats! Very pretty.
talking Tuesday, 4 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in people.6 comments
I am on the facebook and you know you aren’t friends with someone till you’re facebook friends, so add me, darlings(:
I sounded rather morose in my last entry. I was a little. Partings are never nice with anyone whose company you enjoy so.
Burnt the weekend doing things that were not work-related. Friday I was groggy from having not slept AT ALL the night before. After the morning class, and thankfully the only class for the day, I got mired in conversation after conversation. It was crazy.
Saturday morning, I decided that I’d had just about enough of talking and decided to take a long walk all by myself. I got an excellent cappucino from The Educated Burgher (haha!) just outside the residential college where I’m at. It’s so good! Then I walked to Family Dollar and Staples, which are located in what the Yalies call “the bad area”. I’m tickled by how there are bad areas in the States. It’s so black and white! Literally. I also went into other stores to pick up gifts for birthdays that are coming up. That was my lovely morning work. In the hot afternoon, I headed to the Music Library in the Sterling Memorial Library with my roommate and Hui. I listened to the Beatles, Miles Davis and several classical pieces I like. I was supposed to finish a substantial amount of work, but that did not happen. Company is not good for studying. After an overstretched dinner, a few of us headed to Ciao Bella for gelato, where I had Strawberry Chardonnay and White Pistachio. Unbelievably yummy. Dessert was taken with jokes involving Hellen Keller and dead babies and a genre of humour called anti-jokesO_O Strange what people find funny. After that, I went to Gourmet Heaven for sushi and yet another drawn-out conversation with the most effervescent English girl.
I woke up early on Sunday to run Eastrok, which is kinda like MacRitchie. One hour! With Chelsea. I feel so toned now HA. Breakfast out at Au Bon Pain, a have-it-all cafe. I returned there for lunch with my roommate because we were/are so sick of dining hall food. I’m in love with chicken noodle soup. After doing my laundry, I headed out for a spin with Hui and her daddy. That was nice. It felt good to be out and far away from where we were living. We indulged in a spot of shopping. Shopping’s always fun. More talking in the evening, when a few of us found ourselves in the dining hall for the air-conditioning, trying to finish some work. There’s so much talking going on!
I am having a motherawful headache now and should be sleeping, so I off I go. Too little sleep and too much caffeine do not make a healthy girl.
I’ve been having a whale of a time(:
auf wiedersehen, almost Saturday, 1 July, 2006
Posted by paperdoll in people.3 comments
A few friends have left for Germany as part of their intensive German language programme. Rather sad about their departure. One in particular I’m going to miss. We had great conversations together, mostly at mealtimes in the dining hall, but a couple stretched into the night.
This past week has gone by in a glorious blur of classes, cafes, walks, museums, readings, libraries and conversations.
The last week is almost here, and with that, the finals are too. I have a final paper to write for one class, and a final examination to sit for for the other. Should be alright.
